Like other bereaved moms, I have been doing a lot of Googling. I want to share this NPR interview that I found, with reporter Alan Goldenbach and author Sherokee Ilse. It’s a few years old now, but not at all dated regarding the silence around stillbirth that still persists today, both culturally and medically.
Although the majority of stillbirths occur in developing countries, 1% of pregnancies in the US end in stillbirth - that’s roughly 26,000 every year. It’s way more common than SIDS (4,000 deaths per year), which is well-known as a public health issue. Yet people rarely talk about it, not even obstetricians and midwives, and about how it can sometimes happen even in seemingly normal, healthy pregnancies. I personally received attentive prenatal care from a practice specializing in high-risk pregnancy (even though I myself was not considered high-risk), and I was still completely blindsided. It was never mentioned as a possibility.
The most common known causes are problems with the placenta or umbilical cord, genetic issues, infections, or maternal health problems; but in at least 40% of cases, including ours, the causes are unknown or indeterminate - even with a full genetic workup and autopsy, and sometimes even with extensive antenatal testing. In these cases, there is very limited research on risk factors and prevention.
While the silence is pervasive medically, it is positively crushing culturally. The topic is so unheard of that, when it does happen, no one knows how to acknowledge it, talk about it, or provide support. The silence and sometimes misguided comments are very painful for bereaved parents after the loss of our children, and often continue to be painful even if/after we are able to have healthy subsequent children. There are a handful of good articles about how friends and families can best provide support to parents after a stillbirth or neonatal death, but I particularly like and want to share this one and this one.
Why doesn’t anyone talk about this?
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