When Mila died, everything went quiet. My mind felt filled with a dense silence. I didn't think much about my feelings; I just felt them. I couldn't plan for the future, so I lived in the present. I didn't want to be anywhere but where D was, so I stayed by him and focused on him. The thoughts that came, came one by one. Each one was painful, but new.
At almost seven months out (is that even possible?), I find I'm bored with my own grief. When it doesn't hurt too much, it's just really boring. All the thoughts I have, I've had a million times before. All the bad ones, and all the good ones with which I automatically try to counter them - they yell back and forth at each other in my head, the same thoughts, one after the other, over and over again.
A majority of couples are pregnant within three months of trying.
You really haven't been trying for very long!!
Mila's not coming back.
You're so lucky to have what you have!!
Maybe something's wrong with you.
You're healthy and normal!!
Maybe you'll never be a mom again.
Don't be dumb, just relax and keep trying!!
You're still kinda fat.
What are you talking about, you technically can zip your old pants!!
No one cares anymore.
Uh, probably true; pass.
I wish things would quiet down in there.
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