I really thought, up until three weeks ago, that the grief had been permanently softened. I hadn't cried about it in a long time. But now that Isla's here and we're truly in the next chapter of our lives, it comes back in ways I didn't expect. Is this what people mean when they say grief is like a series of waves?
I dismantled my Nuggsy's diaper cake today, the one our friends made for her shower, so Isla can use the diapers and we can pop the champagne hidden inside at some point that feels right. It had been sitting on the dresser untouched for almost two years. Taking it apart feels like acknowledging, again, that she's really gone.
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| Two years ago, and today. |
Yeah, the waves. I think sometimes the grief came back with a vengeance after Sev's birth because the enormity of what we'd missed out on was suddenly crystal clear. Those early days were so bittersweet-so sweet to snuggle the one that's here and so bitter to have not had the same opportunities with the one in our hearts. xo
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